Welcome to another Saturday edition of the Friday Mailbag. I hope you’re having a terrific 4th of July weekend so far. Cannot wait to celebrate America tomorrow!!!
If you missed my interview with Rob Owens on Thursday, worry not, there’s still time to read it! Click this
link
, silly goose!
N.E.H. ALUMNI NEWS
Last July, I interviewed the Chicago musician, RXM Reality. I’m happy to report that RXM has a new record out on Orange Milk Records. It’s called Advent, and–spoiler alert–it is very good. You can listen to it here.
AND NOW TO THE MAILBAG…
Loyal N.E.H. Reader, Sarah, asks:
“I just saw
this article
, which got me thinking, what is YOUR song of summer 2021? What makes a song ‘the song of the summer?’ Over the past 3ish years, I have declared whatever Justin Bieber/Khaled bop to by my jam of the summer.”
Thanks for the question, Sarah. My song of the summer is Rob Owens’s “Revolver,” of course.
The “song of the summer” is whatever song captures the culture’s attention and imagination between April and September. Songs of the summer are typically upbeat, carefree, and positive. They are also often bad. I dove into that article you linked and and thought, you know what, I should rank all the songs of the summer. So that’s what I did. Hopefully this exercise helps answer your question.
46. The Black Eyed Peas - “I Gotta Feeling” (2009)
This might be my least favorite song ever. I hate everything about it. I’ve felt this way for 12 years. Next.
Katy Perry - “I Kissed a Girl” (2008)
Another absolute stinker. I mean, what on earth. I hate Katy’s voice, I hate the music, I hate the lyrics. Throw it all in the trash.
LMFAO - “Party Rock Anthem” (2011)
The fact that this isn’t on the bottom is really a testament to how bad “I Gotta Feeling” and “I Kissed a Girl” are. That being said, what a terrible song.
Billy Joel - “It’s Still Rock and Roll To Me” (1980)
Billy Joel has jams. “Anthony’s Song?” Love it. “Uptown Girl?” Huge fan. “It’s Still Rock and Roll To Me?” Not so much. I’d say it’s the corniest song of the summer, but it’s impossible to say that when “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart” is in contention.
Elton John & Kiki Dee - “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart” (1976)
So yeah, this one’s mad corny. I don’t hate the chorus, but I strongly dislike it, and everything else I could do without. Like Billy Joel, Elton’s got classic tracks. I’m mad at him for this one, though.
Steve Winwood - “Roll With It” (1988)
Generic white guy throwback nonsense from a musician who should know better. Pass.
Mariah Carey - “Vision of Love” (1990)
This song has, like, one wisp of melody. And that’s it! Don’t worry, Mariah redeems herself about a decade later.
Robin Thicke feat. TI & Pharrell - “Blurred Lines” (2013)
Pharrell’s cowbell-obsessed beat manages to be intoxicating and intensely grating, all at the same time. I’d be cool never hearing this one again.
Matchbox Twenty - “Bent” (2000)
Before starting this experiment, I couldn’t remember what this song sounded like. So I listened to it, and now I can’t remember what it sounds like. That’s a bad sign.
All-4-One - “I Swear” (1994)
I recently texted my friend, Josh, asking a simple question: “Is All-4-One’s ‘I Swear’ a good song or a bad song?” He said it was a bad one, and you know what, I tend to agree with him.
Luis Fonsi & Daddy Yankee feat. Justin Bieber - “Despacito (Remix)” (2017)
Do people actually like this? The remix sounds like 3-4 decent ideas thrown together in the editing room, and the result is a chaotic and more or less unlistenable song.
Iggy Azalea feat. Charli XCX - “Fancy” (2014)
I can’t believe this wasn’t produced by DJ Mustard. He was on such a streak in 2014, and everybody stole from him. Cool beat – horrible song, though.
Katy Perry feat. Snoop Dogg - “California Gurls” (2010)
First, the good: I enjoy the pre-chorus. And now, the bad: everything else.
Drake feat. WizKid & Kyla - “One Dance” (2016)
Drake’s first number one. How. Some stunners that failed to top the chart: “Marvin’s Room,” “Take Care,” “Started from the Bottom,” “Hold On, We’re Going Home.” The success of “One Dance” says more about Drake’s insane hit streak up until that point than the song itself.
Bryan Adams - “(Everything I Do) I Do It For You” (1991)
Not a good song, but all it takes is one second of Bryan’s vocal, and I’m instantly transported back into my mom’s Ford Windstar. We’re on our way to Kohl’s. It’s the start of a new school year, and I need to try on some Unionbay shorts.
Survivor - “Eye of the Tiger” (1982)
Important song, but not a good one. Big distinction.
Nelly Furtado feat. Timbaland - “Promiscuous” (2006)
This track takes me back to the Clybourne. It’s Corona Night, and thus, I have spent way too much money ($15) on Corona. I dance with a random girl. It’s fine. I wait in line to pee. Also fine. I leave to get One World Pizza. Now we’re talking.
DaBaby feat. Roddy Ricch - “Rockstar” (2020)
Unlike “Promiscuous,” this track leaves no impression whatsoever! I don’t think I even heard it when it came out. Who is DaBaby? I am old.
Tears For Fears - “Shout” (1985)
From here on, every song has its strong points. I love 1985 Tears For Fears. Songs from the Big Chair? Great record! This song doesn’t do much for me, though.
Sir Mix-A-Lot - “Baby Got Back” (1992)
I don’t know – it’s “Baby Got Back.” What can anybody really say? I suppose I’ll admit that I, too, like big butts.
Lil Nas X feat. Billy Ray Cyrus - “Old Town Road” (2019)
I’m glad this song succeeded like it did. It was a supernova. Good for Lil Nas X. Nobody will listen to “Old Town Road” in a decade.
Los Del Rio - “Macarena” (1996)
For whatever reason, people think it’s acceptable to play the “YMCA” at weddings but not the “Macarena.” Get bent!
Puff Daddy & Faith Evans feat. 112 - “I’ll Be Missing You” (1997)
I really dug this when it came out. I was 11. Now, not so much.
Madonna - “Papa Don’t Preach” (1986)
Madonna was on top of the world in 1986, and she got there on the backs of far superior songs to “Papa Don’t Preach.” I’m not mad at it, but it’s not her finest work by a long shot.
Christina Aguilera - “Genie in a Bottle” (1999)
Of all the songs on this list, “Genie in a Bottle” sounds the most dated to me. The glitchy drums, bloopy keys, and tin can vocals sound like an Abercrombie store. “Genie” sounds like your crush running her hand through your frosted tips. That being said, when you’re 13 years old, the song of the summer seeps into you and never leaves. When I get dementia, the last thing to go will be the faint memory of “Genie in a Bottle.”
Drake - “In My Feelings” (2018)
Another forgettable Drake single.
Andy Gibb - “Shadow Dancing” (1978)
The Bee Gees were such a force in the late seventies that their younger brother Andy was able to become a star in his own right. He has a much better song on the list if you keep reading.
UB40 - “(I Can’t Help) Falling In Love With You” (1993)
I hadn’t heard it in years, and I thought I’d hate it so bad. I didn’t hate it, though. This song is made for drinking piña coladas up on lido deck, your skin roasting in the sun, your paperback mystery untouched.
Donna Summer - “Bad Girls” (1979)
Donna is a goddess. Her collaborators were geniuses. But this song is merely fine. I prefer “Hot Stuff.” Moving forward, however, every song is solid. We’re about to turn a corner.
The Police - “Every Breath You Take” (1983)
I’d love to hear it with fresh ears, but even in its overplayed state, “Every Breath You Take” is a kickass tune.
Beyonce feat. Jay-Z - “Crazy in Love” (2003)
Kathy hates this song, but I don’t.
Rihanna feat. Jay-Z - “Umbrella” (2007)
The song that launched Rihanna into rare air. Pretty undeniable track, right? The chorus is so damn catchy. Also, I’m just acquainting myself with Tricky Stewarts production discography, and wow, dude has written some hits.
Brandy & Monica - “The Boy Is Mine” (1998)
Hard to overstate how big this song was. Huge! And that side-scrolling video? Iconic! For the record, I’m on Team Monica.
Richard Marx - “Right Here Waiting” (1989)
Another Ford Windstar jam. If you should ever find yourself with a mullet and a billowing man-blouse, you have Richard Marx to thank. A definitive adult contemporary power ballad.
Heart - “Alone” (1987)
Heart was so bad they were good. I love “Alone.” It’s cheesy, over-the-top, hyper-melodic junk food music.
Usher - “U Remind Me” (2001)
I think it’s time we give Usher the credit he deserves. At his peak, Usher was a powerhouse who fed us one gold-plated hit after another, and yeah, we ate it up and made him filthy rich, but he still seems sorta underrated. You might not remember “U Remind Me” all that well, but put it on and you’ll see. Big track.
Rick Springfield - “Jessie’s Girl” (1981)
Everybody knows the monster chorus of “Jessie’s Girl,” but the verses are low-key excellent, and the guitars sound crunchy and perfect.
The Eagles - “One of the These Nights” (1975)
According to Insider, this was the first song of the summer. The Eagles rule, and if you disagree, then I guess you don’t care much for the Eagles.
Carly Rae Jepsen - “Call Me Maybe” (2012)
This song crushes at a wedding.
OMI - “Cheerleader” (2015)
UB40’s Elvis cover (#19) scans as reggae I guess, but it took 40 years for a Jamaica to produce a SOTSS (Song of the Summer Singer). That’s just not right! Bob Marley was right there.
TLC - “Waterfalls” (1995)
As a kid, I’d watch VH1 hoping to catch the “Waterfalls” video. TLC turned into waterfalls–like literal waterfalls–in it. So badass! Yeah this track’s a gem, and if you disagree, you are wrong.
Nelly - “Hot In Herre” (2002)
The first number #1 from the Neptunes. What a beat. Nelly surfs it like a doggone Beach Boy, backwards Rams jersey and all.
Want a little bit of ah ah / And a little bit of ah ah.
Andy Gibb - “I Just Want To Be Your Everything” (1977)
Expensive heartthrob disco pop from a singer who died tragically young.
Mariah Carey - “We Belong Together” (2005)
My big MMM (Marian Carey Memory) is of watching her episode of Cribs as a boy. I was spellbound and puzzled and disgusted by her closet of heels. Mariah finishes the episode in a towel, in the bath. That was cool, I guess. Not sure where I’m going with this. I guess I’ll say that having a closet just for your shoes is weird, no matter how rich you are.
Mariah got that rich by being a once-in-a-generation talent, and “We Belong Together” is a big part of her story. Her “comeback” single (ha) spent 14 weeks at #1. It’s fabulous.
Usher - “Confessions Part II” (2004)
Usher is a living legend, and his 2004 SOTS, “Confessions Part II” isn’t even the best song on its album. (That would be either “Burn” or “Yeah!”) This would easily be my top pick if not for…
Prince - “When Doves Cry” (1984)
“When Doves Cry” is Prince’s best song, the best song of the ‘80s, and the best song of the summer. He wins the music triple crown. Good job, Prince.
Got a question? Feel free to comment on this post or e-mail me at newexperimentalhours@gmail.com. Thanks!
Another SEFM (Saturday Edition of the Friday Mailbag) bites the dust! Have a great Fourth, be safe, and stop blowing shit up at a reasonable hour. Thanks!